Round Seven

Greetings sports fans! Welcome to the round seven report from the Northern Wastes Blood Bowl League. And boy is there a lot to look forward to! This round saw the first league meeting of the Iron Rock Greenskins and the Tomb Titans, an all Human clash between the Lamprey Lightnin’ and the Broekwater Buccaneers and the underground grudge match between the Sons of Roland and the Ironbeards,

Lugnub Nobnails running in the opening score for the Greenskins

In the first match up of the round, the league leading Greenskins welcomed the Titans to the Rock Bowl for what would be a full blooded affair. Electing to receive the opening kick off, the Greenskins gathered the ball through Thrower Lugnub Nobnails who then proceeded to advance up the pitch behind Troll Bolgar Grugluk who, supported by four Black Orc Blockers, battled for possession of the line of scrimmage against the Titans’ fearsome Tomb Guardians. Despite a ferocious defence by the Titans, the Greenskin advance had been sufficient for Nobnails to be able to break clear of the protective shield of Blitzers and run in for the opening score. The Titans received the restart with just enough time left on the first half clock to allow them a shot at scoring an equalising touchdown but the Greenskin defence held firm and both teams retired to the locker room with the scoreline at 1-0 to the home team.

The second half began with the Titans receiving the ball and forming a cage around Annointed Thrower Verte-Bray. Advancing into the Greenskin’s half, the musty, dusty, shuffling and shambling Titans made good progress until a last ditch Greenskin counter attack dislodged the ball from Verte-Bray and the ball bounced loose… Only for star Skeleton Skothed to pick up the ball, make a break down the sideline and into the end zone for an equalising score for the Titans!

Skothed gathers the ball and equalises for the Titans!

With the clock approaching full time, the Greenskins would have one last attempt to take all three points. Having enjoyed a squig and custard pie at half time, washed down by a couple of pints of Night Goblin fungus brew, Greenskin Goblin player Skarsnik the Foul lined up just behind the offensive line with one game plan. The Titan’s kick off was gathered by Thrower Morgrim Bolgrot who went for it in order to dump the ball off to Skarsnik. With the Titans’ defensive line beaten back, Troll Bolgar Grugluk overcame his stupidity long enough to remember the game plan, resisted the temptation to eat Skarsnik and launched the goblin far down field. The crowd held it’s breath, for a brief, glorious moment, all in the ground believed they were about to see a magnificent winning touchdown. Then Skarsnik landed in a snotty heap, the ball bounced loose, the final whistle sounded and both teams went home wondering what all the fuss had been about.

Skarsnik the Foul - So close and yet so far…

The second match of the round saw both of the league’s human teams meet at the Stammy Thunderdome in Lamprey. The Lightnin’, having suffered two defeats in a row, were keen to see an up turn in form whilst the Buccaneers were on a high after securing their first win of the league against the Sons. And with the Lightnin’ still rebuilding their team following the deaths of Ogre Arnie Dumpkopff and their two leading touchdown scoring catchers, the Buccaneers sensed an opportunity to secure all three points. And they would need it; a win would bring them within 3 points of the Lightnin’ in fourth place whilst a loss would effectively close the door on their playoff hopes.

Shortly before kick off, the playing field became somewhat more level as Buccaneers’ Ogre Ogrot the Slavering found himself confined to the thunder box with a case of the squirts after eating a suspiciously fishy lamprey burger. With this unexpected upturn in fortune, and with confidence high amongst the home fans, the game began with the Lightnin’ receiving the kick off and shaping for a running play. In short order, recently hired Blitzer Ludwig Panzermann, the brother of deceased Catcher Olaf, broke clear of the Buccaneers’ defence and sprinted towards the end zone. The home side roared their new hero on even as he veered away from the Buccaneer’s touchdown line and began running the other way… with half the Buccaneers’ treasury weighing down his sports britches it quickly became clear that Panzermann had been swayed by a blackmail and a certain score was thrown away.

Tobias Wulff - Rapidly becoming a fan
favourite at the Stammy Thunderdome

Following this foiled opening score, the first half descended into something of a blood bath. Lightnin’ Blitzer Karl Ratzinger was hauled off to the undertaker’s measuring workshop and both teams followed suit by hauling themselves to half time with no scores on the board but plenty of players in the sloppy end of their respective dugouts.

The second half began with the Buccaneers receiving the ball but with both teams now reduced to 9 serviceable players, and with Bucccaneers’ Catcher Maximillian Schultz pushed off the pitch and into the welcoming arms of the home fans, attacking options were limited. As the half progressed, therefore, the Buccaneers’ offensive line was slowly pushed back and the cage around Thrower Eckel Reiss began to collapse. Fearing losing possession inside his own half, Reiss elected to throw the ball deep into Lightnin’ territory in a bid to relieve the pressure.

With the majority of the players from, both teams inside the Buccaneers’ half, and the ball now deep inside the Lightnin’ half, the game looked like it was settling down for a 0-0 draw. With the final pay of the game, however, Dieter von Spikedorff of the Lightnin’ had different ideas. Picking up the loose ball, Von Spikedorff picked out Blitzer Tobias Wulff who ran clear of the defence and into the Buccaneers’ end zone to herald a 1-0 win for the Lightnin’.

The final match up of the round saw the Ironbeards play host to the Sons of Roland. With a ewin, the Ironbeards would secure their place in the end of season playoffs whilst the Sons were looking for a morale boosting win for their loyal and long suffering fans!

No one is quite sure what Northern Wastes fans prefer - Blood Bowl or rioting!

With the pre-match entertainment, provided by legendary dwarf rockers the Mithril Gyrocopters, raising the atmosphere in the stadium to fever pitch, it only took the opening of a few barrels of the Ironbeards’ home brewed mead to see riots erupt in the stands and quickly spill onto the pitch. Once the on-duty Longbeards had finally cleared the pitch the match got under way albeit slightly foreshortened as a result of the riot.

After the Sons took the opening kick off, Ironbeards Runner Runbar Broadgrip, sporting a highly engineered catcher’s mitt, gathered up the ball and positioned himself behind a steel helmed offensive line which began to move up the pitch in ominous fashion. Despite the best efforts of the Sons’ defensive coordinator and medical team, the first half casualty list saw the Sons’ line reduced by the death of Ratbert, the removal of Scumnose and Darkclaw through serious injury and both gutter runners and Splinter the jounrneyrat knocked out. As such, with the half time whistle about to be blown, Runbar cantered through a sparse Sons’ defensive line to take a 1-0 back to the sheds for the Ironbeards. At the other end, the Sons’ five remaining upright players scurried off the pitch to plan for their second half strategy.

For the Sons, the second half began in no less ominous fashion than the first had ended. The home fans, having enjoyed an impromptu halftime encore from the Mithril Gyrocotpers, once again got carried away and a rock was thrown in the direction of Sons’ Blitzer Redtooth. The well aimed projectile promptly clonked Redtooth him on his helmet, gouged his eye, and saw him No one is quite sure what Northern Wastes fans prefer - Blood Bowl or rioting! carted off the pitch along with any realistic hope the the visiting team may have had of winning the match.

With little left in the way of opposition, the Ironbeards demonstrated extraordinary restraint and added only one further touchdown to their tally as Runbar extended his lead as the league leading touchdown scorer. And so with the final whistle, the Ironbeards ran out comfortable 2-0 winners.

And so sports fans, whilst another round ends we look forward to round eight which will see the Ironbeards play host to the Lightnin’, the Iron Rock Greenskins take on the Sons and the Tomb Titans welcome the Buccaneers. So until then, stay classy and play blood bowl!

The Ironbeards line is indomitably in both defence and attack - especially when backed up by chainsaws and explosives!